But not really. I know I haven’t blogged in a million years, but I’ve thought of you guys often.
Things are happening over here. Like, we got a new puppy, my five-year-old came ‘out of the closet,’ (long story short, it was a false alarm) and I WROTE a BOOK!
No seriously…I finally did it. And I plan on self-publishing in the near future. One week, to be exact.
Check it out!
Cool, right?! Well anyway…my mom thinks I’m awesome, so there’s that.
And here’s a little info for you!
AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE SEPTEMBER 1st: The Grimm Curse: Desmond Grimm is coming off a two-hundred year curse for a crime he swears he didn’t commit. The warlock’s only reason for living is his long awaited revenge against the family that took everything from him. He’s decided the seductive, defiant Kassandra will pay the price for her ancestor’s sins. One of three powerful witches residing on the cliffs of Maine, the fiery red-head refuses to go down easy in this battle of wits and will. Further complicating matters is a race of super-zombies that have been unleashed upon mankind, driven by their insatiable desire to consume human flesh. To save humanity, Kassandra and Desmond are forced to work together while being pushed to their limits, in both life and love. Kassandra must decide who is more of a threat, the demonic zombies that have been released into the world, or the gorgeous Desmond, who she could never trust.
Posted in Humor
Tagged Blogging, Books, Funny, humor, Lisa Rochon, Novel, Paranormal, Romance, The Grimm Curse, Warlock, Witches, Zombie
I love solicitors. I get really excited when I see them knocking on the neighborhood doors because it’s a great opportunity to create awkward moments. Not in a bad way, just in an I-have-no-idea-what-to-say-next-this-wasn’t-discussed-during-training way. I would think going door to door getting rejected all day in the sweltering heat is a crappy job, so a huge kudos to those that do it as opposed to sitting on the couch playing video games all day long expecting someone else to take care of their bills.
So the other day, just as I sat down for dinner there was a knock at the door. It’s showtime! I opened the door and a kid maybe in his early twenties smiles at me and says “You must be the Mom.” To which I replied “Why, because I look old?” He kept his smile in place and asked “Are you Lisa?” I stepped slowly out of the house, closing the door behind me, narrowing my eyes at him suspiciously. “Did Shay send you?” I demanded. (Shay is my neighbor next door) “SHAY” I yelled towards her house in a way meant to sound threatening but I’m thinking it just sounded insane. At this point his smile was still in tact but he fidgeted a bit. “No, I came on my own.” “Really” I said in a tone that indicated I thought he was a liar “Then how do you know my name? Are you stalking me?” “No” he laughed nervously, still not sure what to make of me. “My name is Devin. I apologize if I talk too fast, but I have thirty-six houses to visit tonight.” “Well let me save you some time, Devin, I don’t have any money to buy whatever it is you’re selling, because I just spent it all on my bail. Do you have any idea how much it costs to get out of jail these days?!” Devin would not be defeated. He said “Okay, well you haven’t really even heard me yet.” I replied “Are you saying I talk too much, Devin?” He takes a deep breath and regrouped. The next words out of his mouth were great, it took all I had not to start laughing. He says “Hi, my name is Devin. How are you doing tonight?” As though we hadn’t been talking for a minute and a half already. “Hi Devin. I’m poor. What can I do for you?” He proceeds to open a text-book to show me how easy it was to understand and follow this text-book. “Isn’t that cool?!” He asked me with fake enthusiasm. “Yeah, but I still don’t have any money to buy it. Unless you take Monopoly money. I have lots of that.” He was unrelenting and continued to flip through this book. “Hey Devin, I’ve got dinner on the table, and I really wish I could help you, but I truly can’t. I know some people pretend to be poor when they don’t want to buy something from you, but I really, really am poor. I had Ramen Noodles for lunch today. Yeah…that poor.” At this point he pulls out a bunch of names on a list of people who were buying his product to see if I knew anyone on the list. “Are you questioning my popularity?” I asked him “Because I am very popular, you know.” He said he wasn’t questioning my popularity. He gave up, and put his book away. I gave him some bottled water, and wished him well. Devin was a good sport. I told him if he ever sold Ramen Noodles to come back my way. I’m always in the market for some Ramen Noodles.
Photo Credit: Jim Benton
J.K. Benton Design and Benton Arts
Studies show that parents who raise their kids based on studies will drive themselves insane.
I’m all for passing along knowledge and occasionally asking for advice, but when the hell did we lose our instinctive ability to raise our own kids, and begin to rely so heavily on these “studies”? I’m not even sure who these Dr.’s are that conduct these studies, which by the way, usually contradict each other. Why would I ever take advice from someone, even a knowledgable someone, who has never met my child? Clearly I know my kid better than they do. So I propose we put the book down, and listen to our kids. Trust yourself, you’ll know what to do and what’s best for your kids. All you need is clearly defined morals, consistency, a little patience, and an endless supply of vodka, and I promise your kids will turn out to be the amazing, productive members of society that you dream they will be! So what if my baby came out of the bathroom with a tampon hanging out of his mouth like a cigarette? (what, it wasn’t used.) And yeah, maybe he sucked enough glitter off of the Christmas Tree ornament to poop out a brand new decoration, who cares? Changing his diaper for the next week was beautiful and sparkly. And once, I accidentally stuck my daughter’s head in the ceiling fan, but I’m still a good parent. She survived, and probably her aversion to ceiling fans is temporary. You bet I lost my oldest son in public when he was a toddler, who hasn’t? Did I let that discourage me? Did I give up and turn to books and studies for support? NO! I just put up “Lost Baby” posters and eventually he came home. Sure, he’s had a drinking problem since age four because of it, but you know, sometimes these things happen! Relax! Parents have been successfully raising kids long before Dr. Sears wrote his book.