Tag Archives: relationships

The Girl in the Rain

She walked along the city street, in a sea of strangers on a cloudy day.  Thunder crashed violently overhead, but she didn’t flinch.  In fact, she barely even noticed.

She was always disconnected from the people around her, never really belonging in any place or situation.  Maybe it was the way she viewed the world, or just the way the world viewed her.  Most of her existence was unnoticed and insignificant.  She was easily forgettable, which she tried to see as an advantage, but it didn’t feel like one.  All around her people laughed and connected, but she always stood on the sidelines just outside of the action, watching it unfold, never participating in even the slightest sense of the term.  She watched, and wished that she could find her place, but eventually realized that there was no place for her here.

A stranger bumped into her without so much as an ‘excuse me’, and for the millionth time that day she wondered if she existed at all.  Often people looked through her, and she worried that she had in fact died, but not yet realized it, and that nobody could see her because she no longer actually existed.  She was truly invisible, and the emptiness inside was so deep and so dark that even a black hole itself could be overtaken in the vacuum of nothingness that resided within her soul.

It’s not that she didn’t want to connect.  It’s that something inside of her, woven into the very core of her being, couldn’t connect.  She was one to ask, but never to be asked.  She was one to care, but never the one to care about.  She was one to listen, but never the one to be heard.  Sometimes, the people around saw her sadness over this, and interpreted it as an over indulgence in self-pity.  But she didn’t pity herself.  She didn’t feel anything for herself at all. She was called mysterious, but she wasn’t mysterious.  She was practically screaming, “I’ll tell you anything you want to know!”  But that’s the thing.  No one really wanted to know anything about her.  She worried what people thought of her, but eventually came to understand that nobody thought of her at all.  She had so much to share, but nothing to offer.

She had friends.  Very few, but carefully selected friends that she trusted on a limited basis.  Even they couldn’t see the sadness behind the laughter, or the hollowness behind the humor.  They loved her as much as they had to, but no more than that.  She wasn’t worth any more than that.

Sometimes she hated herself.  She knew she was a broken down mess of a soul, and just wished she couldn’t see it so well.  If she could have cried, she would have.  But the emptiness ran so deep that she no longer felt sadness.  Just an overwhelming numbness overtaking her very essence, what made her who she was.  She felt nothing.  She was nothing.

She’d never been popular, and she pretended it was by her choice, but she knew that wasn’t the reason.  It was because no matter how hard she tried to matter, she just wouldn’t.  Nobody really cared, not the way she did.  And in the end, maybe that was her own fault.  Caring too deeply and thinking too much.  Nobody lives that way happily.  Only a tortured soul could exist in this way.

It had been raining, but she hadn’t noticed.  Even though her hair was dripping, raindrops hung off her lashes and her wet clothes clung to her cold body, she hadn’t felt it, hadn’t felt anything in so long she’d forgotten how to feel at all.

She stopped in her tracks on the city sidewalk and looked up into the ominous, grey skies.  The ice cold rain slammed across her face, invoking a numbness upon her skin that matched the numbness inside her soul.

Maybe she wasn’t meant for this world.  Maybe that was her purpose, to walk across the Earth like a ghost.  Unnoticed, ignored and easily forgotten.  To be looked at, but never truly seen.  To be listened to, but never truly heard. To be there, but never to belong.

She closed her eyes against the onslaught of lightning, and as everyone else ducked for cover she held out her arms and prayed Grimm would come for her.  But in order for death to take her, she would first have had to live, and she never quite made it that far.  She felt nothing, just went through the motions in a world that was too bright to notice her insignificant, dim light.

She would never belong to this place, to these people.  She would never be enough for this place, for these people.  Her quiet voice would never be heard among the shrieking of the others, and anymore, she wasn’t sure she wanted to belong here anyway.

She put one foot in front of the other, water filling her shoes and sending a chill straight to her tired bones.  If she felt anything at all she would’ve shivered.  But she didn’t feel anything at all, and she didn’t shiver.

She turned down a dark alley, the greyness and rain obscuring the view of her silhouette as it disappeared around the corner, and just like that…she was gone and forgotten.

The hustle of the city street forged ahead, and nobody skipped a beat.  One was left to wonder…did she ever truly exist at all?

 

 

Feedback and comments would be most appreciated!  Thank you for reading.

Sincerely,

Lisa

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Hey Sexy Lady

I’m not a jealous person.  Actually, that’s a total lie.  I’m extremely territorial and will go as far as peeing on my husband’s leg, if that’s what it takes to make it clear he’s mine.  I like to think of it as part of my “charm” but probably I need meds or something.

We’re compatible in so many ways, except shopping for groceries is something we do very differently.  He’s analytical, and will spend time examining the product, comparing price, quality, packaging…he’ll even look up reviews about the company if I give him a moment.  I don’t have that kind of patience, I have important things to do…like napping.  I look first for the cheapest package of product, and then for the farthest expiration date, and that’s the package I put in the cart.  Boom, done.  Then I move on, a lot of times unbenounced to my husband.  This usually isn’t a problem, except for that one time…

He went to the opposite end of the aisle and took, like, twenty minutes figuring out which pork tenderloin he wanted.  Not my fault.  I picked out the beef in ten seconds or less and moved across the aisle and further down, trying to get on with my life.  Meanwhile, a woman with similar hair to mine moved into the place I had been standing in.  Do you see where this is going?

I looked up just in time to see my husband come in close behind this random woman and whisper something in her ear.  I found out later he was singing that line from “Gangnam Style” that goes “Heeeeyyyyy, sexy lady…” She was a little shocked and turned to face him, at which point he spots me across the aisle with my hands out to the side and a “what-the-crap-are-you-doing” look on my face.  I got ready to go pee on his leg.

His cheeks turned a shade of red I’ve never seen before and he says to her “Ooops, you’re not my wife.”

She laughed and thought it was funny.  He was mad that I couldn’t stay in one place for more than ten seconds, and was all “You’re always disappearing on me!” to which I countered with “You just serenaded another woman?!”  We decided to call it even and never speak of it again.

So I just thought I’d share that with you.

Renaissance Faire Part III

Quotes From Ren Fair

My husband wore camouflage shorts.  A man working in one of the shops yells out “Good Sir, I can barely see you!”

My cousin was wearing Hollister apparel.  Someone in tights with a feather in his hat pointed at my cousin and said “You’re dressed funny.”

A man selling roasted nuts calls out to people passing by “Try my nuts!  Put my nuts in your mouth!”  Then looking at my cousin says “You know you want to…”  Note: His nuts were delicious.  We buy the cinnamon almonds every year.

My eight year old daughter noticing a male horse.  “Eww, he’s pooping.  Wait, that’s not poop…”

A girl working in a shop announced that all items are dishwasher, oven and microwave safe.  A man shopping asks “What be-ith a micro wave?” to which the worker replied “It’s a magical box that in the future will hold lightning.”

I was pushing the baby in a stroller with my husband walking next to me.  A man stopped us and insisted my husband push the stroller, stating that “She did all the pushing in the beginning, now it’s your turn.”

I was looking at some of the jewelry, when an old man sitting in the booth says “Are you looking for a necklace to accent that wonderful bust line?”  Well I was, you creepy old perv, but now I think I’ll just go buy a drink.

Well, that’s it for the Ren Fair experience!  Thanks for stopping in!  Have a great weekend.

Dream Cheating

True...

I woke up from a nightmare about my husband cheating on me.  I glared over at him, snoring soundly in bed.  I reached for my pillow, grabbed it with both hands and got into the perfect position to smother him in his sleep for his indiscretions.  “What’s going on?” asks my husband.  (As if he didn’t know)  “You dream cheated, so I’m going to attempt to kill you.” I replied with ice in my voice.  “You can’t hold me accountable for what happens in your own dreams, they aren’t even real!” he declared.  “Fine” I smiled sweetly, laying back down to silently plot my revenge.  After we got out of bed, he offered to make me breakfast.  “It’s the least you can do, after all, you cheated on me last night”.  I said.  “Seriously, I was sleeping next to you all night long.” he says impatiently.  “Not in my head you weren’t!” I yelled.  I eventually found it in my heart to forgive him, but let him know that he’d better never do that again.

*The above story is mostly for comedy purposes only.  Don’t feel too sorry for my husband.  🙂