My husband’s a techie kind of guy, he loves electronic gadgets and devices that are fresh on the market. Anytime an Apple anything comes out, his pupils dilate and a line of drool drips from the corner of his mouth. It’s like watching National Geographic, a “tech in the wild” hunting his next catch. He can fix anything, which is great because I can break anything. Balance…it’s what makes our marriage work.
I don’t mind most of the technology he brings into our lives. As a general rule I just don’t touch anything that flashes, or anything with buttons. But sometimes when I just look at something electronic it malfunctions. It’s like I have superpowers or something.
Enter the motion sensored light switch in the bathroom. It seemed like a good idea at the time, and likely safe as I didn’t have to touch it…hence the “motion sensored” in its title. I don’t even know what happened. I stood too close to it or something and the button popped right off and landed next to the sink.
I picked it up, which was stupid because I know better. I took a look at how this piece of plastic might function, and it seemed simple enough, so…you know…I fixed it! Haha, suck it Tech Boy…look who else knows how to fix stuff around here now…
The next time I walked into the bathroom, the light switched on and I felt like a self-sufficient genius. I sat down to …well, to pee…and the freaking light turned off. I sat in total darkness for a second, and then it switched back on. Oh thank God. Then off…then on again, then off and on. It was like a strobe light. What the hell? Am I in a bathroom or at a damn rave?
So I sat real still, careful not to even breathe, and the light switched off. Dammit! I waited for it to switch back on, but it just stayed dark. Terror set in, as I was sure Bloody Mary was going to jump out of the mirror at any minute and I tried desperately to think of anything but her name.
I couldn’t work under that kind of pressure, but I also couldn’t get over to the light switch to operate it manually. I mean, physically I could, but the switch was right next to the mirror with a demon in it. See the logic?
Just before I was going to scream, the light randomly switched back on. As I finished up and buttoned my pants the damn thing switched off yet again.
“Oh come on you son-of-a-bitch!” I yelled across the dark room. “Mother f***ing Satan switch from hell…”
Bloody Mary. The words snuck into my head.
“Shit!” I said, frozen in place.
Bloody Mary. Dammit! It happened again. Crap…that’s twice. Once more and I’m f***ed.
Then I thought “Speaking of ‘Bloody Mary’ I could really use a drink.”
Wait…what?! I was talking about the drink, does that still count?!
I waited for the mirror demon to take me to hell, but instead the light clicked back on. So I bolted out the door. The little guy was standing in the hallway and pointed out that I “left the light on.”
Trying to appear “normal” or whatever, I stood outside the bathroom and slid my hand around the wall to push the switch off. And wouldn’t you know it, no matter how many times I clicked that damn button, the light wouldn’t turn off.
Stupid demonic light switch from hell…