I’m not a jealous person. Actually, that’s a total lie. I’m extremely territorial and will go as far as peeing on my husband’s leg, if that’s what it takes to make it clear he’s mine. I like to think of it as part of my “charm” but probably I need meds or something.
We’re compatible in so many ways, except shopping for groceries is something we do very differently. He’s analytical, and will spend time examining the product, comparing price, quality, packaging…he’ll even look up reviews about the company if I give him a moment. I don’t have that kind of patience, I have important things to do…like napping. I look first for the cheapest package of product, and then for the farthest expiration date, and that’s the package I put in the cart. Boom, done. Then I move on, a lot of times unbenounced to my husband. This usually isn’t a problem, except for that one time…
He went to the opposite end of the aisle and took, like, twenty minutes figuring out which pork tenderloin he wanted. Not my fault. I picked out the beef in ten seconds or less and moved across the aisle and further down, trying to get on with my life. Meanwhile, a woman with similar hair to mine moved into the place I had been standing in. Do you see where this is going?
I looked up just in time to see my husband come in close behind this random woman and whisper something in her ear. I found out later he was singing that line from “Gangnam Style” that goes “Heeeeyyyyy, sexy lady…” She was a little shocked and turned to face him, at which point he spots me across the aisle with my hands out to the side and a “what-the-crap-are-you-doing” look on my face. I got ready to go pee on his leg.
His cheeks turned a shade of red I’ve never seen before and he says to her “Ooops, you’re not my wife.”
She laughed and thought it was funny. He was mad that I couldn’t stay in one place for more than ten seconds, and was all “You’re always disappearing on me!” to which I countered with “You just serenaded another woman?!” We decided to call it even and never speak of it again.
So I just thought I’d share that with you.