So on my bucket list, right after “Commandeer a UFO” and just before “Run with the Bulls” was “Go to a Drag Show.” And because my friends are awesome, I got to check that off my list!
I wasn’t sure what to expect going in, so we grabbed a front row seat and I gulped down a few Lemon Drop Martini’s. I’m not sure how I feel about those, but they definitely got better as the night went on.
The Queens were getting ready in the bar’s restroom, which was a concern for me and one of my small-bladdered friends, but it turned out okay. All we had to do was walk out of the bar, through the employee hallway, around the corner and through the restaurant to the front register and around another corner to get to the available toilets. If you think it sounds complicated, try navigating that after drinking twice your weight in vodka.
On the way back from the bathroom I thought about joining this blurry family in their booth for some one a.m. bacon and eggs, but apparently it’s considered rude to eat off stranger’s plates. Whatever, their booth was spinning anyway, so I went back into the bar.
The music came on and the Queens came out! First up was a seven foot tall Whitney Houston.
She was beautiful and really hit it off with my friend Monique! If you look closely at this picture, it appears that my friend might have pinched Whitney’s ass…I don’t know for sure…I’m just saying, that’s the face I make when Monique pinches my ass.
I had a limited amount of singles, as I was saving most of them for Queen Lady Gaga, but Whitney sniffed out the hidden cash from under my phone. Suddenly from behind me a graceful, satin gloved arm slides towards my phone, open handed and waiting. Fine, dammit, but if I miss a lap dance from Queen Lady Gaga because you took all my money I’m going to be pissed. (They didn’t do lap dances.)
I was piss-my-pants excited when Queen Lady Gaga came out of the dressing room.
Me and Black Lady Gaga really hit it off. She smelled great and her make-up was flawless. I’m pretty sure if I were cooler, we could totally be friends.
This one here was fun! She had a gorgeous “resting-bitch face.”
There was a “manly man” sitting at the bar watching sports trying to pretend this wasn’t happening. His eager friend though, was happily motorboating these lady cha-cha’s and shoving twenties between them as she ran her fingers through his comb-over. I’m not sure he knew what was going on, but he was having fun and that’s all that matters.
Okay, I don’t know if you’ve ever been to a drag show, but when “The Circle of Life” starts playing just before the curtain opens…you know it’s going to be good.
She’s wearing a freaking lion on her head, and the sequins sparkled like a million fairies. It was by far the most elaborate outfit of the night. The Lion Queen bonded with Monique. (My friend is clearly a super-likable person.)
Anyway, the night was all I’d hoped for and more! If you’ve never been to a drag show, I highly recommend going. I don’t know where else you’ll find such a great group of people who are completely in touch with who they are, and know how to have a fabulous time!
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