There are so many things I take for granted in life. Like my health, my safety, or the luxury of peeing alone. Seriously, I haven’t even closed the bathroom door in over twelve years. What for…they’re just going to find me anyway, I can’t hide.
It’s like my need to urinate has become the official “call to order” of our family meetings. Everyone piles into the occupied bathroom as I try to shield myself with the nearby shower curtain. I can’t work under this kind of pressure! Even the dog tries to squeeze in. His fur face just staring at me, unblinking. What does he think I could possibly have for him at that moment?
Oh, and don’t even get me started on the bubble bath situation. It’s inevitable, the moment I sink into the tub my daughter has to poop. It’s like she’s messing with me.
Anyway, I realized what a low I’ve hit in life today when I was tucked away in a dark corner of my room, behind a dresser, eating a Snickers bar while the little one was searching for me. He was frustrated that I wasn’t answering him, but I couldn’t give up my location. Not only would I have to share the Snickers bar, but probably he would want to know why I stole it from him in the first place.