We all have fears. Some of them are perfectly natural, like a fear of death, a fear of heights, or a fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth. What, it’s a real thing…
I’m pretty sure I have an excessive amount of fear. I’m basically a chihuahua trapped in a woman’s body. Some of my fears are legit, but most of them are irrational. I read that to overcome a fear, you have to do the thing that scares you over and over until you’re not a pussy about it anymore. So this week I decided to begin conquering my first irrational fear.
A fear of highway driving. It’s okay, you can laugh. I have no idea where this stupid fear even came from, I’ve never had a bad experience on the highway. Most people love the open road. You get to go fast, there’s no stoplights interrupting your flow and it’s the straightest shot from point A to point B. For me though, it looks more like a demolition derby of angry strangers foaming at the mouth who are all packing heat and ready to kill me.
So we took our annual trip to the waterpark up in Wisconsin, and I decided to drive the second half of the way. I took off from a rest stop, accelerating and glancing over to find my place in the sea of missiles on wheels, and made it into the flow of traffic with no problems. I drive a Hummer, which is pretty much a tank, so if nobody moved over to let me merge I was pretty sure I could just move them myself.
My heart was palpitating, my ass was sweating…and the seat heater wasn’t even on. My husband was in charge of the music. Suddenly “Highway to Hell” starts playing over the car speakers. I wanted to flip him the bird, but I was sure if I took my hand off the wheel we’d go flying through the air in a spiralling death twist. I would’ve shot him a dirty look but I had to keep my eyes on the road, so I just told him that he wasn’t funny, which is a lie because he’s freaking hilarious. He switched it to Snoop Dogg’s “Gin and Juice” and I started to wonder if we packed any alcohol because I was going to need a drink after this.
I had to switch lanes so I glanced to my left to check the blind spot and a car was speeding up next to me. I noticed the driver, and for a second he looked like Satan pointing a gun at me, but it turns out he was just a tiny little old man smiling as he moved ahead. After I stopped hyperventilating I was able to switch lanes and make that highway my bitch.
I wouldn’t say I’ve conquered the ridiculous fear of highway driving, but I’m off to a good start. On to the next dumb fear…eating at a restaurant alone.