So I was reading about the worst jobs a person can have and was surprised to see News Reporter on the list. I didn’t realize that gossiping and being nosy was so difficult. I do it everyday with a kid on my hip while cooking dinner.
A news reporter is responsible for interviewing people, writing stories for publication, establishing contacts and sources, and fact checking. I have found five jobs that I think are worse than that.
5. A 2010 survey found that for every kilometer of coastline there were 8.9 tampon applicators as well as 22.5 pads. Who’s job was it to walk the coastline and count used feminine products? I wonder what the interview for that position was like.
4. Livestock Masturbator. How do you even explain that one to a potential life partner. “I’m a nurse. What do you do for a living, handsome?” “I jack off animals. It’s a hard job but someone has to do it. Get it? ‘Hard job’.” Check please. Do you sweet talk the animals first, or just jump right in and get the party started?
3. Fistula Feeder. These people stick their hands inside a cow’s naughty hole to check for any digestive issues. I’m thinking if the cow isn’t vomiting or having explosive diarrhea then it’s probably a non-issue. They eat grass for Christ’s sake, how messed up can their system get? Get your hand out of its ass and stop violating that cow.
2. Semen washer. Yes, guys. When you go donate your little cup of love juice, someone has to wade through your little soldiers to make sure they’re up to code before they go marching off to reproduce. Call me crazy, but I think that playing in someone else’s semen all day would be a lot worse than covering the traffic accident up the road.
1. Vagina Doctor. Sure, at first it sounds like a sweet gig, working around vagina’s all day. Google “blue waffle” images and then get back to me. Once you see it, you can never un-see it. You’ve been warned.
- teen girl collapses after soaking 1/2 litre of vodka in tampon (thesun.co.uk)
- Counting Cows Game (spoonful.com)
- Chick-fil-A Cow Appreciation Day: Dress Up in Cow Attire = FREE Meal or Entree (July 12th) (hip2save.com)