My Christmas Story…by Lisa Rochon

I once had a candle party.  I invited all of my friends and family, but the only people who showed up was one friend, my mom, and my aunt.  Then I had an adult toy party…I couldn’t cram all of my friends into my living room.  Alcohol and anal beads, and suddenly I’m the most popular girl in town.  Bunch of perverts…I love them!  At this toy party I was given a huge, pink, flaccid rubber penis.  I had no use for it because it was so limp the only thing it would be good for is smacking people in the face, and apparently in our society, smacking people in the face with a rubber peeper is frowned upon.  Whatever, who makes these rules?  But it was funny and it smelled good, so I kept it figuring I’d find a good use for it at some point.  And I did.

My family does a gift exchange at Christmas.  I had purchased a really soft blanket to give away.  I came across Willie (that’s what I named it, because guys name their penis so I thought I should name mine.  I think it’s like a rule or something) and thought to myself I should include this in the gift because who wouldn’t want a useless severed penis?  So I dressed it up like Santa, because who wouldn’t want a useless severed penis dressed like Santa?  I put a little Santa hat on it, some googly eyes and a beard made out of a huge cotton ball.  I tucked it into the ribbon of the blanket, wrapped the gift and watched the magic happen.

My aunt ended up with the gift.  She opened it and instantly recognized Willie from the party that I had.  It took the guys a minute to figure out what all of us girls were laughing at.  The blanket and Willie were placed to the side and forgotten about.  Until…

My nephew, who was very young at the time, says “Yook Mommy!  Yook!”  We all looked to see what he was so excited about.  He had Willie by the shaft and was flopping it around, side to side with a huge smile on his adorable little face.  A googly eye went flying through the air, the hat was long gone and the cotton beard was only half stuck on, flapping in the wind.  My sister calmly took One Eyed Willie away from my nephew while giving me a look that let me know revenge would be coming my way one day.  Whatever…she lets her kid play with dildo’s…

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4 responses to “My Christmas Story…by Lisa Rochon

  1. I really think this blog deserved pictures, lol! Too funny. Happy holidays.

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    • LOL! I spent all morning looking for the pictures I had taken of Willie, but I can’t find them anywhere! Also, don’t search “Santa hat dildo” unless you’re prepared to view an overwhelming amount of vagina.
      Happy Holidays to you too! And thank you for reading my blog. 🙂

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  2. Lisa, sweetie (sigh)… You certainly know how to make our treasured Christmas memories unique….. lol!
    Love, Mom

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  3. Best part of this post is the comment by your mom! Merry Christmas and looking forward to more rants in 2013.

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