For The Love Of All That Is Holy…

While browsing Pinterest the other day, I came across this blog post called 25 Ways to Communicate Respect (to your husband without saying a word).  I thought “well there’s something I may learn a thing or two from, and if not I can rest assured that I am better and smarter than most wives.”  So I decided to check it out.  It’s basically a list of the ways that a proper, good, happy wife should treat her husband.  Some of the list is basic common sense.  Like listening when he speaks to you, kissing him goodbye, or not talking bad about him.  I’m great at those kinds of things!  I always listen to my husband when he’s talking to me, as long as I’m not on Facebook, Pinterest, blogging or doing homework, and provided that the kids aren’t interrupting…Hmm, maybe I should start listening to my husband more…Nah, I’ll just keep insisting that he’s the one with poor communication skills.  I’d like to go over a few of the points that I have a problem with following.  For instance:

2. Honor His Wishes

Give weight to what your husband thinks is important. Make those things a priority that matter most to him, whether it’s having dinner ready when he gets home from work or keeping the house tidy or limiting computer time. Don’t make him ask twice. (Philippians 2:4)

Everything that is important to my husband instantly becomes important to me.  Um, small problem with the whole “Don’t make him ask twice” thing though.  My husband has to ask at least four times if he wants something done around here.  Also, the man would never ask me to limit computer time.  Because he wants to keep both of his balls.

7. Don’t Nag

Your husband is a grown man, so don’t treat him like a two-year-old…

My husband is a grown man?!  Clearly this woman hasn’t met my husband.  As soon as he finishes laughing at his own farts I’ll introduce you.  Nagging works!  I’m not giving up the only weapon I have in my arsenal aside from my vagina.

9.  Smile at Him

Yeah…I tried that.  He thought I was plotting something evil.

10. Respond Physically

…Don’t slap him away when he tries to hug you or make excuses when he’s in the mood. Your enthusiastic cooperation and reciprocation will not only assure him of your love, but will make him feel well-respected, too

Men are ALWAYS in the mood.  It’s impossible for any wife to keep up.  My girl goodies are not open for business 24/7.  We close for maintenance, and sometimes we really do have a headache.  Tough shit.

17. Dress to Please Him

Take care of your appearance. Choose clothes your husband finds flattering, both in public and around the house.

I’ll try…tomorrow morning when I choose my outfit, instead of asking “What would Jesus do” (like I usually do when picking out clothes) I’ll ask “What would Phil like”.  I’m pretty sure my red lace bra with matching panties is going to be inappropriate for my daughter’s school party, but whatever.

18.  Keep the House Tidy

Well…shit.  Define “tidy”.

24.  Don’t Argue

You are not always right, and you do not always have to have the last word…

Except that I am always right and I do always have to have the last word.  It’s okay though.  My husband likes it.  And if he tells you he doesn’t then he’s wrong.

25.  Follow His Lead

… Learn to defer to your husband’s wishes and let final decisions rest with him. (Ephesians 5:22-24)

“Defer” to my husband’s wishes?!  I’m sorry, what?  Anyway, I tried that awhile back.  It’s now referred to as the “Incident of ’03”.  Won’t happen again.  Now all of my husbands decisions must be submitted to me in writing to be reviewed for approval.

As you can clearly see, the advice this woman has isn’t for every couple. I’ve had a very happy and successful marriage so far doing pretty much the opposite of most of her suggestions.  Some couples may find her article very useful though, and I’m certainly not judging those freaks.  Whatever works for each individual couple, I suppose.  Over here, we do best as equal partners.  We put each others needs above our own, we forgive each others faults, we smother each other with mutual love, trust and respect, and among so many other things, we share a never-ending supply of laughter.

You can visit the blog I’m referring to at Loving Life at Home – Jennifer Flanders

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5 responses to “For The Love Of All That Is Holy…

  1. LOL I say make him catch spiders and watch chickflicks and he might get lucky.

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  2. Ugh reading all of these makes me feel sick to my stomach ~ although your humor helps it go down easier. 😉

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  3. This has been the highlight of my day. Sooo funny- this woman is my Grumpy’s dream wife. Until she spent 24/7 in his company and grew a set, of course. I’m a full time nurse, mother of 4/5 and a human being. Being a wife comes somewhere below that. Sorry grumpy- just what it is! My reality is that the best way to my heart (read vagina) is through being an outstanding dad. Being a great “lover” is so yesterday. He’s a bit behind on that message. So it’s my day off…lounging in bed past 8am (when the kids are gone) is percieved as foreplay. Laugh/smile before 8pm is flirting. Making eye contact after 8pm is a direct come-on. NO way in Hell does he get the last word in any major decision. I’d be calling in “sick” just to fulfill his fantasies! I’m not sure he’ll ever be the responsible adult he promised. On the other hand, since I (too) still laugh at my farts, if he ever grew up I’d probably be in trouble! 🙂

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  4. Pingback: Some Times…. | Abi At Play

  5. This made me laugh! “I’m certainly not judging those freaks.” I agree with pretty much everything you said. Also, I’m curious about the Incident of ’03.

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