“Tired Hooker”

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Shockingly, I have friends. Actually, I have great friends. Friends that love me and accept me when I’m funny, when I’m not funny, and when I’m trying to be funny but go too far. These friends love me even though I am usually completely inappropriate in my humor. My bravest friends even let their small children around me. They should be commended for their loyalty, and condemned for their obvious lack of parenting skills. I’m pretty sure most of these kids have already heard the F-word before they come to me. I just teach them how to use it appropriately in every sentence.

One of my very favorite friends came over with her daughter.  They only came to visit briefly, but I’m good at corrupting kids under pressure, so I was up for the time challenge. When they came in, I was wearing my shirt that I bought at the Kathy Griffin show. It’s my favorite shirt, and it says “Tired Hooker”. My friend’s sweet little eight year old points at my shirt and says “That’s what I am at school!” Clearly this little girl needed to be put at the top of my “kids other than my own to corrupt” list. She already had a head start! Laughing, my friend looks at her daughter and says “Sweetie! You don’t even know what that means.” to which her angel replies “Yes I do! It’s when you’re tired and you want to skip school, you know, play hooky.” Crisis averted.

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12 responses to ““Tired Hooker”

  1. bringmemycoffee

    As a parent with no filter of my own (and I’m so f-ing tired of hearing from the husband about it)- I’m just following along in your blog-o-mobile and enjoying the ride. Frankly- sister- I’m one freakin exhausted slut myself (can’t recall ever getting paid).

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    • Hahaha! Filters are overrated. I’m glad you’re here for the ride, and hope to continue to entertain you! Thanks for leaving such a great comment that made me laugh! “Exhausted slut”. I love it!

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  2. Meh, I suspect that most parents corrupt their kids pretty well at home, they just pretend that all the corruption comes from the outside. At least, that’s what I tell myself, so that I don’t feel so bad about having zero filters around my own offspring.

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  3. Young kids absolutely do NOT keep secrets; they blurt out everything. Just remember that when you’re wearing that shirt around your own kids. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to make sure that we have actual food to put in our kids lunches tomorrow. Teachers get all judge-y when we send in empty bags, and tell them to use their imaginations.

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    • I love the imagination lunch idea! I once bought my daughter an imaginary horse, but she never took care of it so I had to give it away. 😉 Thanks for leaving a hilarious comment! You had me cracking up over here.

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  4. I can’t wait for that girl to say, “I’m so tired…I want to be a hooker!” …if I could just be a fly on the wall….sigh.

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  5. My two little cousins had a conversation one day.
    #1 – She’s a hooker.
    #2 – That doesn’t even make sense.
    #1 – You’re a dork. You don’t even know what a hooker is!
    #2 – Yes I do! It’s the thing you put on the end of your fishing line.

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    • Ohmigosh, that is SO funny! Kids are great, aren’t they? I’d pop them out until I was 70 years old if they didn’t cost so much and eat all my food…
      Thanks for sharing such a great story!

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  6. I love the one exhausted slut comment and not getting paid.I’m using that one tommorow I have 7 kids and feel the same way!lmao

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    • LOL! (That exhausted slut comment was a hit here, too) Seven kids? How awesome is that? If I had more time and money kids would still be dropping out of my vagina. Big families are fantastic! 🙂

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