Welcome to the fifth installment of Man Rant Mondays. It’s not so much “complaining” about men as it is “advice” for men given from a woman’s point of view. As with all advice from a woman, you can either take it or be wrong. It’s entirely up to you!
Man Rant Mondays V: The Mother’s Day Gift
Flowers? Thanks. We appreciate all the thought that went into that gift. And it’s just what we wanted! Something else to take care of or else it’ll die. Just once we’d like a gift that you’ve put some thought into. Most of us moms don’t want diamonds, or new cars. We just want you to entertain your little heathens for all of two minutes so we can go to the bathroom alone. Clearly you have no idea how hard it is to do your business with a baby on your lap playing pat-a-cake. We don’t need an expensive watch, we just need you to get your ass out of bed when the kids wake up, so that for once we can sleep in. How about a back rub that lasts for more than ten seconds before you decide I owe you sex? The back rub wasn’t that great, okay? What exactly did you think that ten seconds was going to get you? Oh, you bought us a sexy thong? Yeah, there’s something every mom wants. Nothing says “I love you” like a pretty wedgie. Thanks for that. And chocolate? Okay, what the hell is wrong with you? We’ve just busted our ass to lose all of the Valentine’s Day weight that your “gifts” of chocolate caused, and now you’re coming at us with this shit? If you really love us, then how about a bottle of vodka instead? After a long day of wiping asses, listening to little girl drama, ensuring that our teenage hornball hasn’t knocked up the neighbor, and picking up after you, a bottle of vodka and a good erotic novel is our mini vacation.
Thanks for reading Man Rant Mondays! Have a great week!