No, not the interesting, naughty kind of playing teacher. The “playing teacher” where I volunteer to go into my daughter’s second grade classroom and discuss certain topics with the kids for a half an hour. Last week was a disaster, so by comparison this week was much better. We made donuts out of paper while discussing the difference between unit production and assembly line production. Yeah, I was bored too until I found out there were stickers involved. Yay for stickers! I started off by greeting the kids and was given a standing ovation! Except that they didn’t stand, they just clapped, but it still made me feel like the President, except that my ears are smaller and I don’t have a penis. The whole presentation went off without a hitch, until my mother got involved. Let me explain. See, when I volunteer to do something, I usually leave my phone in the car so it doesn’t rudely go off a hundred times, because I am very popular (with my mother), and people (bill collectors) are always calling me. This session, though, I needed my phone to use as a timer. So during one quiet moment when the kids were listening to me speak, my mother decides to call. The phone rang loudly and the kids giggled and began to compare their mom’s ringtones. I quickly silenced the phone, but my mother, who knows very well that you have to call at least ten times before I pick it up, calls back. At this point I have a group of eight year olds crowded around me and my phone, which has a picture assigned to it when my mother calls. The picture is of Mom and I in a bar doing a shot. With ninja speed, I quickly turned the phone over and silenced the ring, certain the kids didn’t see. Until one of the girls says “well THAT was an interesting picture”. And the other kids quickly agreed. Seriously, this school has no idea how much I can teach these kids.
Also, you can’t abbreviate “assembly line” to “ass line” on the chalkboard when addressing a group of kids. It’s “inappropriate”. Whatever.