Banished to the Island

In my mind there’s an imaginary island.  An island that once you get to, you can’t come back.  It’s called the Island of Assholes, and it’s where I banish people who have caused me grief, or irritated me in some way. Their punishment is to spend the rest of their lives surrounded with people as dumb as they are.  It makes me feel better, although sometimes I get so wrapped up in my imagination that when I see people I’ve recently banned, I wonder how the hell they got off of the island.  Then reality hits, and I realize that there is no island and I’m stuck coexisting with these assholes forever, which is fine since I suppose I can be an asshole myself sometimes.

For my first public banishing, I choose the people that drive mopeds.  Generally speaking this will be the inexperienced teenage driver, and the drunkards that have lost their license.  Take your moped, that goes thirty miles an hour at best, going downhill, on a windy day, and get your ass to the island!  I’m tired of you slowing me down while I’m on my way to a very important destination.  And by “important destination” I mean my twenty-four hour Wal-Mart.  Put the booze away, get a real car, and quit being a road hazard to those of us that like to text and drive a hundred miles an hour.

Moped drivers, you are officially banished.

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15 responses to “Banished to the Island

  1. Haha! Hey, can we banish bicyclist’s there too? They are a hazard on the inner city streets! If I am supposed to be 3 feet away from any bicyclists on my right, that makes me have to drive out into oncoming traffic! Whenever someone on a bike is along the right side of me I get the strongest urge to jerk my steering wheel toward them to scare them so they bump into the curb and fly headlong over their handlebars! That’ll teach them to be on MY road! 😉 What I really hate is when they are actually riding in along with the traffic. I want to yell YOU ARE NOT A CAR! Seriously if there is no bike lane get over onto the sidewalk! Let the pedestrians deal with it ~ you are one of them! Thank you and have a nice day! You fricken idiot!

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    • LOL! Yes we can! Seriously, it’s almost impossible to manuver around them while eating a big mac and searching for the fry that’s been dropped on the floor. Thanks for the great suggestion Jewels!

      Bicyclist’s, you are officially banished to the Island of Assholes.

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  2. I second the bicyclists At least the ones who act like they have the right to the road. Find a trail you lazy asses. Oh, also lets send people who wear cardigans there. Correction, males who wear cardigans.

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    • Hahaha Done! Cardigans are so last decade.

      Men who wear cardigans, you are officially banished to the Island of Assholes. Now take your dorky sweaters and get out!

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  3. Shaine Trupkovich

    There are 2 teenage boys in our neighborhood that just got mopeds and were trying to do burn outs in front of my house last night. I poured a glass of wine, sat back, watched and laughed as I mentally placed bets on which one was gonna eat the street first! They were serious bad ass bikers though, seriously. Lol.

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    • Oh my gosh, I nominate them to be the leaders of the island until we find someone dumber. On another note, I would totally banish you to the island for not inviting me over for some of that wine, except that you’re not an asshole so you’d never survive there. You know how I feel about wine! 🙂

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  4. This is one that I wish I had written. I love the whole deal. I’m worried if I banished all those I wanted to, there would be about 17 people left.

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  5. There are a lot of mopeds in Hawaii, is that your doing?

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  7. Insights like this liven things up around here.

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