Kids Change Everything

There are a few things I catch myself doing these days that the 21-year-old Lisa would have never seen coming.  Kids change everything.

For instance, the other day I was driving around in the mini van with my daughter and her friends.  We had the windows down and we were jamming to Taylor Swift.  That’s right, I know all of the words.  I don’t care.  My Mom thinks I’m awesome.

Not only do I find myself sniffing my baby’s ass to see if he pooped, but if I’m not quite sure, I’ll actually stick my finger in there and see if it comes out clean.  I know it sounds gross, but clearly you’ve never tried to pin down my toddler and remove clothing to “peek for poop”.  It’s okay to judge me.

I never imagined I’d be old enough to have a teenager going to prom.  Like any good mom, as my son was leaving to go pick up his date, I gave him a hug and told him to “have fun and don’t knock anyone up”.  I am very wise.

The rock songs that used to get stuck in my head are now replaced with the Spongebob Squarepants theme song.

Action/Adventure movies have been replaced with the newest iCarly or Victorious.

My love of cheap wine has grown deeper.

Pinned Image


10 responses to “Kids Change Everything

  1. I find it hard to believe that you can’t peek, using the same crack (pun intended) you use to insert your finger.


    • Good point! Although, by using my finger to check, I’m sort of “living on the edge,” and it makes me feel kinda bad ass. 🙂 Thank you for reading my post!


  2. Yes, sweetie. Raising you has led me to drinking wine, too. Love you. Thanks for getting me to like wine.


  3. Ummm…the above person, who thinks you should be able to check the diaper using the same crack you stick your finger in has clearly not tried it. Sometimes the poo is higher and you can’t see it in the dark of the crack. SOMETIMES, the finger test is the only right thing to do. High five, Lisa…high…five.


    • LOL High five! You are absolutely right about not being able to see in the dark of the crack. That coupled with the fact that sometimes my baby’s shit don’t stink (he gets that from me, by the way) leaves only the finger test.


  4. My wife and I are expecting our first girl. This post has been triumphant in illustrating 1) there is a minivan in my future, and B) I will now be socially “okay” although I like Taylor Swift.


    • Minivans are cool. Also, I did not say it was socially “okay” that I like Taylor Swift. I got a lot of odd stares and I’m pretty sure a small child flipped me the bird.
      Congratulations on your little girl! Kids are awesome, I’d be 70 years old and still popping them out if I could afford it!
      I follow your hilarious blog and look forward to hearing more about your wife’s pregnancy (to which I’m relating all too well) and the arrival of your little princess!
      Thanks for stopping in and leaving a comment! 🙂


      • I, too, am following your, which is freaking awesome–funniest out there. I could actually picture you doing this in a standup routine–good stuff. If you stop blogging, I will probably steal your material…just kidding….but seriously.


        • Thank you! Okay, if I ever stop blogging I will officially hand over all of my material to you. However, you’ll have a lot of explaining to do in regards to the Vagina Doctor Etiquette post. Also, your readers will probably want to know why you rant about men every Monday. Maybe you should just take the Banished to the Island post if I ever quit. 🙂


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