Dysfunctional Humor


I opened up my laptop to find that my background image had been set to a diagram of a penis.  It was huge, and bodiless, just hanging there in shame.  I had no idea who put it there until I heard my teenage son giggling like a girl in the other room.  After I got my laughter under control, I reminded him that my computer is not to be touched.  He stormed off to his room yelling dramatically over his shoulder that “this house is a PRISON!”  I rolled my eyes and looked back at my computer, laughing all over again, because let’s face it, penis’ look funny.

That’s how I lost my “Mother of the Year” award.

Eating dinner as a family, I began to fill my husband in on what he missed during the workday.  I informed him that our daughter had ripped a hole in the crotch of her tights at the elementary school and I had to run over there to drop off some new ones for her.  It was at this point that she announced to all of us “Yeah, I needed new tights because my vagina was getting cold.”

That’s how I lost my “Mother of the Year” award.

Sitting on the back porch with my toddler, I noticed him chewing on something.  I hadn’t given him anything to eat, so I asked what he had in his mouth.  He opened wide to show me.  On his tongue were a bunch of black crumbs.  Confused, I swiped his tongue with my finger and examined closely what I had retrieved.  I saw a body and a bunch of dismembered legs.  The head was gone.  He had been chewing on a spider.

That’s how I lost my “Mother of the Year” award.


8 responses to “Dysfunctional Humor

  1. That is hilarious…it sounds just like my kids! My kids all think I as the coolest mother ever, but I have a lot of instances of disqualifications in the Mother of Year award myself! And all mine turned out funny too!


    • Hi Bird! I bet you are a pretty cool mom. You have a great sense of humor! My two youngest think I’m pretty cool. My teenager only thinks I’m cool when he wants something. If I say no, I immediately revert back to “uncool” status. I belive if we make it through the day without duct taping one or all of the kids to the wall, then we deserve that damn award! 🙂
      Thanks for commenting!


  2. Good post. You, madame are now being followed. Not in that creepy way…well, maybe in a slightly creepy way.


  3. My kid eats sand. I figure, you know, fiber.


  4. I have been convinced for years that my Mother of the Year award was lost in the mail.


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