Man Rant Mondays II

Welcome to the second installment of  “Man Rant Mondays”.  It’s not so much complaining about men as it is advice for men given from a woman’s point of view.  As with any advice from a woman, you can take it or be wrong.  It’s entirely up to you.

Ice penis in my pop

Man Rant II:  Sexual Innuendos

When I say I’m in the mood for sausage, I actually mean that I’m just in the mood for some food.  It’s bad enough that I have to chop up my banana before eating it to avoid looking like a dirty whore, but your ability to turn everything into something sexual is becoming excessive and hard to understand.  For instance, when I ask you to take out the garbage and you reply in a seductive tone “I’m going to take out YOUR garbage”, I don’t know what that means.  When I mention I need more protein in my diet, I mean cheese.  And while the large penis shaped ice-cube that happened to form when you froze your bottled water is most definitely impressive, I don’t want it in my glass of pop, banging against my lips with every sip I take while you unsuccessfully try to conceal your amusement.

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14 responses to “Man Rant Mondays II

  1. That was absolutely hilarious!! I say the same kinds of things to my husband…They are a dirty gender…

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  2. I resemble those remarks! Your so funny and that is coming from a man at least that is what my wife says!

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  3. This is officially hilarious.

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  4. LOL. I do all of those things. I somehow think that while you are ranting about it, you somehow are amused by these things yourself. I know my wife is. Sure it’s annoying when I use the “I’ll uncork YOUR bottle of wine.” or “Your mother wants to braise my chicken.”, but I always get a laugh from the wife. Perhaps it is one of pity and not pure amusement, however. Something to think on…

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    • It’s reassuring to know that my husband is not the only one. I suppose I can cancel the appointment that I made for him with the psychiatrist. The laughter is pure amusement I’m sure! You guys keep us girls on our toes. Thanks for taking the time to read my rant!

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  5. This is exactly why I don’t eat bananas!

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    • Hi Jenn! Sorry it took me so long to reply. Your comment got marked as “spam” for some dumb reason so I just found it. The men have totally ruined bananas for us girls haven’t they? That, and suckers…and pickles…and somehow cherries…pretty much anything we eat turns them on. I’m going to cram a big burger down my piehole and see how “sexy” that is when I’ve got crumbs all over my face and I can’t even chew with my mouth closed because of the oversized bite I’ll have taken. LOL Cue the porno music…

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  6. Don’t do it! You’ll only induce fantasies about how much you can fit in your mouth.

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