My “Not-So-Secret” Secret

My daughter had a school friend over yesterday who says to me “Why do you have so many bottles of sanitizer around here?”  That’s right, called out by a kid.  Even she could spot my not-so-secret secret.  Hi, I’m Lisa.  I’m a self-proclaimed borderline germaphobe.  I like to think of it as part of my “charm”.  My kids, however, just think it’s annoying.  My teenager and his friends already know that in order to come in to my home you must sanitize at the front door.  So on some days I have a group of teenage boys jumping around in pain as the sanitizer burns every little cut on their hands that they didn’t even know they had.  Oh well, what doesn’t kill them will at least kill 99.9% of their germs.  My daughters friends are still learning, so I usually end up chasing after them yelling “Make sure you sanitize!  You have to sanitize, you have school germs on your hands.”  It’s not enough that I’m going to give my own kids issues, I like to spread the crazy and work on other people’s offspring too.

My daughter’s first word was “hanitize”.  Hand and sanitizer combined.  It was her way of warning everyone in my house that they needed to sanitize or suffer the wrath of her crazy mother.  As she got old enough to tell me what hurt when she was sick, and take medicine for relief of her symptoms, the sanitizer went from the economy size down to the regular size.  Eventually it was phased out all together leaving just regular hand washing.

Then my son was born.  I posted signs outside of the door warning visitors to sanitize.  I briefly considered requiring that everyone wear face masks, but my husband quickly squashed that idea, stating something about it not being “normal”.  Okay, fine.  But now what am I supposed to do with one hundred face masks?  Kids with snot oozing out of their nose became my ultimate nightmare.  I had lunch with my daughter at her school, and the cafeteria was a chorus of sneezing, sniffling and coughing.  I could practically see the germs flying through the air trying to infect my little girl.  After my panic attack was over, I went home and immediately began researching home schooling.  My husband pointed out that pulling our daughter out of a great school system just because of germs was not a good reason.  Clearly he had no idea of the amount of snot that flies around a group of kids that age.   I’ve invested so much money into Lysol and Clorox wipes and sprays, that I’m pretty sure they owe me at least a thank you card.

I would see a team of therapists about this, but I know from experience that it’s temporary.  As soon as my son gets a little older I’ll go back to “normal”.  Whatever that is…

Thank you for taking the time to read my post!


5 responses to “My “Not-So-Secret” Secret

  1. You know that a little bit of germs are good, right? Exposure to little bits of pathogens have been shown to strengthen immunity. Similarly, kids who are overprotected from germs have been shown to be more likely to have increased respiratory complaints during adolescence. Just a thought 🙂


    • Hi! Thank you for reading my post!
      I’ve heard some of that information before, but I still can’t seem to turn off the crazy. It breaks my heart when babies get sick and can’t communicate what is bothering them. I ease up a lot as they begin to talk and are able to take some medicine to relieve symptoms. At that point I’m able to put the sanitizer away and focus on more important things, like drawing mustaches on them while they’re sleeping.
      I actually did NOT know about the increased respiratory complaints during adolescence though. Thank you for your comment!


  2. Too funny! So glad to know I am not alone, and that there are other germaphobes like me out there in the world. 😉 I worked at my daughter’s school for 11 years and can totally relate to the flying snot! I am such a freak about germs that I avoid public restrooms at all cost, and when I do have go… I flush with my foot and open the door with a paper towel. God help me when all they have are the blowing hand dryers!


  3. Hi,

    I am a Casting Associate here in Los Angeles. We are currently in the process of casting a new pilot TV show for a major network. We are presently casting individuals who are obsessed with cleaning. I came across your post and would love to speak with you. We would appreciate any help you could give us in getting the word out. If you have any questions or need additional information please contact me at

    Thank you so much for your time and consideration!


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