Have you ever been driving on the road, minding your own business speeding along, when ahead you spot an oncoming police car?
Your heart speeds up as you frantically fumble for the brakes trying to slow down without making it too obvious. You panic because you’re sure the police officer already has your speed locked into his radar and you just can’t afford another ticket right now. It’s around this time you begin to come up with your excuse. You can go for sympathy with ” I have a weak bladder and need to get to a bathroom quickly”. You can try humor with “My drug dealer doesn’t like when I’m late”, but my guess is you’ll be the only one that thinks you’re funny. There’s always name dropping “My best friends boyfriends sisters neighbor knows a kid whose mother is dating a man whose brother is a cop, do you know him?” Or you can try the I’m-a-badass route with “I wasn’t speeding, you’re a liar.” Of course this won’t end well. Not for you, anyway. As a last resort you can always try seduction with “Hello officer, oops, did my boob just fall out of my shirt? I can put my leg behind my head.” As the car gets closer and you begin to pass each other, you’ve already spotted the perfect place that the officer is sure to turn around and follow you in order to give you the ticket you’ve earned.
And then you notice it. The little teenage punk driving what used to be a squad car. He has no authority and never even noticed or cared that you were speeding. All of the panic and financial planning you had done during the past thirty seconds for nothing!
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