I had been shopping all day and had finally made it to the check out line. After thirty minutes in line I began to wonder why there were twenty-five checkout lanes but only three of them were open. The group in front of me kept farting and I had no choice but to sit there and take it, because I wasn’t moving after putting in this much time waiting. Plus I already knew the second I switched lanes, the people behind me would somehow still make it out ahead of me, and as they left they’d look at me like I was an impatient asshole. After another few minutes, the person at the front of the line began disputing the price of an item, and I tried to remain patient as I breathed in another fart and tried not to gag. There had already been like five families that had come and gone behind me because they did not have what it took to hang in that line. I’m like a warrior. Someone new got in line behind me. It was at that moment I heard the cashier in the next lane call out that the lane was now open. As I turned around to look at the newbie behind me immediately jockeying for position, I wedged my cart just slightly in their path and smiled politely, although my eyes told a different story. They accepted my challenge, smiling back, maneuvering around my cart with a soft “excuse me”. Now we were both entering the newly opened lane, bumping carts along the way with fake smiles plastered on our faces. Of course the crazy bitch got the advantage because I was just no match for her wheelchair. Whatever. I accepted second place as this ruthless line-cutter pulled out a folder of coupons. I settled in and watched the people in my former line flow through and my wait began all over again.
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