Drinking Alone

They say if you drink alone, then you’re an alcoholic.  But I’M thinking, if I’m alone, who will know?

I mean, YOU try waking up hours before you’re ready because the boss says its time, and by “boss” I mean the little one year old Nazi baby that governs your every move.  He thinks just because he’s cute he can get away with it.  Though I can always choose to get my revenge in those moments he is totally helpless, sitting in a pile of his own poop, waiting for me to have mercy and change his diaper.  That’s right, I wait an extra minute, just to let him know I still control SOME things.

After getting the kids where they needed to be, I realized my husband’s dog was nowhere to be found. Stupid dog.  I found him around the block, taking a shit in one of the neighbors yards while people watched in horror.  Not sure what the hell that dog ate, but I kept driving.  No way was I getting out and picking up crap.  Dog would have to find his own way home. I flipped him the bird as I drove by.  I’m pretty sure he knows what that means.

So I was sitting in the kitchen going through all of the bills that had piled up, getting rid of all of the ones that weren’t pink, because I have a very strict policy that if it isn’t pink it don’t get paid.  I realized at some point that I hadn’t heard from the baby in like thirty seconds, so I went to check on him.  I found him just in time to watch him shove an M&M up his nose.  I’m pretty sure he did it just to challenge me.  Well this was new.  I left it alone figuring it would work itself out eventually.  I’m pretty sure it did…

As my day wore on, filled with poopy diapers, gymnastics practice, helping with homework, feeding the kids, breaking up fights and household chores, a glass of wine started to sound appealing.  And by “glass”, I mean “bottle”.

So here I was, at the end of my day.  The kids were tucked in bed, the house was clean except for some dishes, a pile of dirty laundry in the living room, a pile of clean unfolded laundry which would no doubt need to be washed again on account of all of the dust it had collected, some toys and a craft project left on the kitchen table.  I reached for my wine glass then realized how silly it would be to use such a small glass when I had a perfectly good bottle halfway to my lips already.  I chugged that wine like it was kool-aid.  That’s right, all alone with my alcohol.  The way every parent should end a long day.

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6 responses to “Drinking Alone

  1. You are awesome kiddo. Janet Evanovich better watch her back!!! Keep it coming. You know how I love to have laughing attacks. Love ya.

    Like

  2. Funny stuff….as always!

    Like

  3. Lisa, funny stuff!!! Are you related to the Kansas lady that got sauced and woke up in the am and her baby was missing????

    Like

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